Two Months

It's been nearly two months since my world changed in the best way possible. Phil and I were talking about it yesterday and he said he can't believe it's been two months. In some ways, neither can I. But in others, it feels like Judah has been here with us for much, much longer.

Getting to know Judah has been like learning a very complicated, yet rewarding and beautiful dance. In the beginning, the routine looks daunting and seems impossible. How will I ever figure this out? But you take it day by day, step by step, and slowly, you start to learn the moves. Oh, that's his hungry cry. Each move you learn feels like such an accomplishment and a HUGE step forward. Whoa, did he just sleep for FOUR hours overnight?! Slowly, the routine comes together and your body can recite it with more fluidity and grace. Why yes, I am cooking myself some lunch while standing up nursing my son in the kitchen and managing not to burn the food or choke my baby.

No makeup, no filter, just motherhood. A lazy morning with my baby.

I am no expert at this dance, but I feel more and more comfortable and think I am managing. Every time I see Judah smile at me, it makes me think I may even be managing quite well. That smile. The other day, Judah had just finished nursing and I put him in his Rock N Play so I could eat my breakfast. I was famished and couldn't wait to take the first bite when I promptly dropped my breakfast sandwich on the floor. Perhaps it was the lack of sleep, or maybe I'm just clumsy. Either way, I wasn't the least bit impressed with myself. I sighed loudly and was about to tell Judah how silly his mom is when I look over and Judah has this HUGE smile on his face and is staring right at me. He then proceeds to give me adorable baby coo after coo. It'll be ok mom. Consider my heart melted.

At two months, I'm feeling more like a mom and less like a zombie. At two months, I can usually guess what Judah needs based on his cry or time of day. I can multitask like never before. I don't feel like leaving the house with Judah and all of our gear is as much of a huge mountain to climb as before. I don't think the world will end if I need to nurse in public. I'm not a pro at this mom-thing and that's ok. This is a big revelation (to me) people.

This week, we're dealing with Judah's first cold. It's heartbreaking, but I think it's harder on me and Phil than it is on Judah. He's still smiling, cooing and exploring the world around him as he wonders where this funny new cough came from. This cold is one of many more uncharted 'firsts' to experience with my sweet boy. We will take each one step by step, and, with practice, we'll perfect this dance together.