Google is not always your friend.

Month 3 was a challenge. Months 1 and 2 we had a system. A routine, of sorts. Judah slept, a lot. Judah nursed, a lot. I knew how to calm him - just nurse him! Then came month 3: Judah is more alert and awake for longer periods of the day. He's also more interested in the world around him, and me. This is not the challenging part. In fact, this is an amazing, rewarding and fun part of his life. There's nothing like walking in to your baby's room after they've woken from a nap, your head peers over their crib and, when they lock eyes with you, you receive a HUGE smile of recognition and joy.

All of sudden Judah is 3 months and he no longer needs to nurse around the clock. He's awake for longer periods, but he also gets tired quickly from all of that stimulation in the big, wide world around him. There's so much to see and do and his little brain can only handle so much at a time before wahhh I need a break!

It was a challenge figuring out how long he could stay awake before he was overtired and, thus, much harder to put down for a nap. I realized (and am still realizing; sometimes I need a daily reminder) that I put way too much pressure on both of us, Judah and I, to have things a certain way. Yes, babies change drastically in a very short period of time. Of course I knew this, but I didn't actually KNOW it until I experienced it. Each change led me to wonder if he was ok, eating enough? peeing enough? sleeping enough? I still don't know the answer but I am reminded (again, almost daily by my very patient and also way calmer than me hubs) that, more than likely, he is ok and he is just figuring out this life.

Where Judah is happiest to sleep :)

There was a period for about 3 weeks when Judah just did not want to nap. He'd scream and fight it with every breath and I would frantically try every little thing to get him to close his eyes. Crib? No. Bouncer? No. Rocker? No. Swaddled? No. Finally, exasperated, we'd both go lie down together in my bed...and he would fall asleep. I've shared my woes and worries with many-a-moms in my mom groups and I remember one telling me, "He just wants to be with you." This melted my heart and brought me right to that moment, right there, when my little guy was snuggled up against my chest in my baby carrier as I was having this conversation. He just wants to be with you. 

Sometimes, simpler is better. If Judah doesn't always nap in a specific spot at a specific time, it's not the end of the world! And I write this to remind myself. Google has not been my friend. I actually feel bad for babies in this generation because there is TOO MUCH information out there. 5 Ways to Make your Baby Sleep Better. The Fool-proof way to Better Naps! Yeah, I've read them all. Before Google, what did parents do? Sure, they probably still worried, but they didn't have thousands of articles telling them ways they could be doing it better. I have fallen in to the Google trap and let me tell you (and remind myself when I'm re-reading this at some point in the far future, possibly with a new baby), it hasn't helped one bit. In fact, it's made it worse most days. A few weeks ago I decided I would try and sleep train Judah. At 3 months old. What?! Needless to say, I didn't last past 6 minutes and promptly decided neither of us were ready and that it was completely crazy. I would never have even considered it had I not read it as a suggestion somewhere.

We're all trying to do our best as parents and I hope I can internalize that. I want to stop comparing Judah to every other baby - he is an individual. I want to take each stage for what it is and enjoy it, even through the frustration. Because with the frustration also comes a whole hell of a lot of laughter, fun, learning, discovery and beautiful, beautiful memories.

The beginning of a beautiful parenting journey

Judah is nearing his 4th month and, guess what? He's fallen into a semi-predictable pattern, all on his own. Motherhood is a lot of things. Some I expected, some I didn't. It has taken over my heart in the most wonderful ways possible and has also brought me to limits I never knew existed. I'm only at the very beginning of my journey as a mom and I want to continue it with grace, patience and understanding for Judah and our future children. I want Judah to know that he is an individual with his own needs and wants, and that's ok. He doesn't have to be like everyone else and he can figure things out on his own too. I will always be there to guide him, love him and nurture him, but I have to let go of controlling everything. Our home, and baby, are much happier when I do.